Well, I never thought I’d be writing a blog post entitled that.
Then again, I never thought I’d write about a lot of things, but here I am, still standing.
If you haven’t been in the loop, this is your official welcome. So yes, this is my break up post.
And with that being said, I'll be the first to agree that blogs are weird...
...because one half of me asks “why be so candid with strangers?” but the other half of me knows you guys aren’t strangers...
This is my platform, you’ve been with me through this journey, and I owe you some type of an explanation.
And quite honestly, I didn't plan or anticipate publishing anything of this sort. But as reality set in and people reached out to me, I decided if I can help one person dust the dirt off and begin again, then sharing my experience would be undoubtedly worth it.
Long story short, I was broken up with. And I have no bad energy towards that ideal.
I understand that was a choice the other person had to make in order to benefit his own life. I understand that. It took me a little, but I think I fully understand it now.
And now I can breathe. The worst is over, my worst fear came true, and I survived. Look at me— my world ended and began again.
I’m still here.
There’s no proper way to lend out advice to you if you’re going through a similar situation, but if you are, you’ll be okay and you're definitely not alone.
Here's a list of things, both candid and planned, that either taught me or helped me come out stronger than I could have ever imagined, and ultimately, changed my perspective of the situation from a negative one to a positive one.
Don't hold back crying. Cry at home. Cry in the shower. Cry at work--but don't you dare leave. There is no stronger feeling than craving the comfort of your dark room when you're out in public and can't swallow the lump in your throat. But we are only human, so release the pain and cry it all out. It'll save you from dragging that lump in your throat longer than it needs to be there.
I hate to say this, because I hated when people told me to "stay busy" when being busy was the last thing I wanted to do. Yet, I followed direction to do so and by doing so, it brought me even closer to my friends and my family. It's okay to lean on them, they don't mind, I swear.
Run away. No seriously, do it. Do it without thinking twice. When everything happened, that was my first instinct---to run away from my problems. I saw a flight to Italy and within minutes I was entering my debit card information. Of course, a rash decision like that is not the answer that will heal you, but the feeling of doing something that scares you and knowing you're doing it alone, is the most twisted, yet rewarding logic of all time.
Don't deny yourself the opportunity to get answers. If you want clarify reasonings or express unsaid emotions, sit on them for a day and then make the first step to communicate them. Why should you allow the other person to have the power of keeping yourself from being at peace with your mind? Do it for yourself and you'll find closure sooner, rather than waiting for a text or call that may never come, prolonging your anxiety about it.
Find creative outlets. Force yourself to go to the gym. Or take baby steps and color in a notebook instead of trying to recall the moment you think it all went wrong. Anything you do besides sitting inside feeling sorry for yourself will benefit you, I promise. Nothing hurts more than a broken heart, but nothing will heal it if you keep reminding yourself it's broken.
Read poetry. You see things in a whole new light when it's in front of you in black and white coming from someone who's felt similar pain. And even more so, what was moving for me was the more I read, the more I was able to realize that you never should allow yourself to take the full blame for being named the problem.
(Here's 2 I really fell in love with:)
All in all, I suppose everything happens for a reason. And now my journey will consist of learning what that reason is and focusing on myself even more. People are born the way they are and you cannot change how they feel about you, no matter how much you want to. You can't hate someone for feeling the way they feel. I know this rational may sound too simple, but that's because it is. At the end of the day, the only person you can control is you, and once you're able to come to terms with that, everything else will fall into place.
